Good vibrations

After 5 weeks of dubious knee-age and severley reduced training, I have, today, managed a 9 mile run - the most have achieved in more 3 and a half weeks. Having spent a small fortune in recent weeks on lotions and potions, physio and knee support I might be on to something with my new strap on!

It appears my IT Band (no idea what this is) was "stressed". Now my normal remedy for stress is a large gin and tonic but due to my rather sizeable thighs I decided that soaking my limbs in the finest from Bombay would be a waste, and not being a particularly good siphonist (waste not want not) I decided to administer gin in the normal way (slice of lime, tonic and loads of ice) and take professional advice on reducing IT Band stress.

And the remedy is rather convoluted expensive. I now have a foam (in my opinion a trade description as it is as hard as nails) roller that I lie on sideways and roll my body from my hip to my knee (sounds like a good lyric for a an 80s pop icon see here). I also have some hip strengthening exercises (all I need now is a bus pass to fully complete my aging persona) called the crab!

And finally I am the proud owner of an ITB strap on with "Medical Grade Silicone Insert for Vibration Dampening". Check it out!

This is not my knee - mine is far hairier!

So I strapped this on and gave it a try. My trainer came with me today, pedalling slowly behind me checking my "form" (mile 2 he asked me if I was trying new performance undies - more on this later - which led me to believe his focus was very much on the form of my gluts - cheap thrills!). By mile 4 my left knee was feeling very un-loved and it too wanted a silicon vibration dampening strap on so I swapped it over. MAGIC. Straight away my left knee was in heaven and the pain practically disappeared... by mile 6 my right knee was begging wantonly for some vibration dampening. So what is a girl to do when her body is crying out for more vibration dampening that she has available. Buy another strap on! And so I am now the proud owner of not one but two Medical Grade Silicone Insert for Vibration Dampening strap ons, and am £40 worse off! Let's hope my knees enjoy their dirty weekend and remain in knee heaven all around London in two and a half weeks time!

So with knees sorted (ish) I am now panicking about other elements of my attire. New running tights need ordering but which size (8-10 or 12-14... I want a 10 - 12 grr) and which colour (one which matches my London Breast Cancer Care top or one which matches my normal running gear?) I am also on a mission to find the "best" running knickers. I have set up a spreadsheet where I can mark them out ten for comfort, support and how often I need to perform the knicker extraction manoeuvre....! What a lady!

One other lesson learnt today is to not run after a burger. I had real golden arch belly so it appears my holiday treat for the kids might have back fired on me. Knew I should have gone for the salad, at least I burnt the calories off so the guilt is removed.

So with that all underway all that is left to do is get some more miles under my belt, book more physio massages and begin to panic about 21st. Not long now!

Support needed

It is countdown time and I am officially in panic mode! Until the Bath Half I was going great guns with the training and had clocked up nearly 300 miles. But since then I have barely managed 30 miles. My knees are causing me all sorts of issues and costing me a fortune in physio, peas and a silver lined (healing properties apparently) full knee support!

Since the weekend though I have been back running. Baby steps of 2 miles on saturday followed by 5 miles last night and I am delighted to announce that my right knee seems happy. Sadly the left is now feeling unloved and has started to niggle so I am wearing the support much of the time. Like attention seeking siblings I feel like knocking my knees together but it appears that this was the problem in the first place. I am seriously considering drawing a happy and sad face on my knee when I run London - surely this has got to be a pound of two? If you can't beat them join them!

So with the crucial third month being lost to injury I am now in panic mode. Having spent the first few months of the year longing for April, the warm weather and the beginning of taper (2 weeks of officially being allowed to "kick back") I am now dreading the arrival of the Fools Day! My quandry is how much I should run. My last long run was 10th March (6 weeks prior to the marathon) and 5 miles nearly killed me last night - I was so out of breath. If I do too much I risk injuring my knee again, but if I do nothing I risk not completeing the course! Only 26 days and I will know whether I made the right choice and my every waking hour (and insomnia induced waking hour) is consumed with this dilema! #Iamarunningbore!

But on a positive note I have now organised the quiz night (the Friday before the marathon - milking the Friday night drinkers for all they are worth) although the charity ball is still under debate due to the number of bedrooms we have commit to (38!).

Knee Jerk

I feel like the Titanic sinking. Yesterday disaster struck and in true OTT Whetton style I am now convinced I won't make the starting line on 21st April. Surely there is  Hollywood blockbuster in there somewhere?

[To be heard in Hollywood voiceover man's voice] "In a world where Saturday's usually mean Under 9s football and where mountains of washing consume the adults. One woman stands firm in her fight against the impossible; 26.2 miles. Every moment in her life has led to this huge undertaking but can 3 months of intense training undo 37 years of bodily abuse; chocolate, alcohol and general couch potatoe-itis are proving too much for her old knees to bare. Can she beat the odds? Will a knee replacement be the answer? Will an intense regime of drugs and physio work? Is ice better than heat? Will she reach the goal on the Mall? So many questions, such intrigue and right now no one knows. Watch the story unravel before your very eyes"

This is my tale of allure, romance, determination, pain and then heartbreak. Some details may be slightly embellished for the purpose of this blog. All characters appearing in this work are non-fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely non-coincidental. blah blah blah...

Picture the scene: 11am Saturday morning lying on the couch of a rather young, male physio, naked from the knees down, his young, soft hands gliding along honey coloured limbs, toned to perfection with toes painted the most vivid shade of on trend cherry red.

Now the picture reality: 11am Saturday morning lying, breathless (due to the usual Saturday morning groundhog day of looking for matching football socks, goalie gloves, shin pads, trainers etc etc) on the couch of  rather young (so young I wonder if he has started to shave yet and feel strangely maternal towards him) physio, naked from the knees down (dressed in borrowed football shorts as I overlooked the fact that my skinny jeans would not roll up sufficiently for inspection), his young, soft hands prodding my pasty white (and only partially shaven; well it's so cold that only the bottom of my calf gets an airing and that is only when I am running so why bother with anything above the "plimsoll" line?), cellulite rippling and toes emblazoned in the most vivid shades of bruised black, blue and yellow.

45 mins and £35 later I leave feeling embarrased and was strapped in a multitude of bright blue tape my knee cap resembling a face. Having  been touched, rubbed and strapped I feel worn out and can virtually hear "Alans" pub chat with his Rugby team about the 37 year old yeti he is treating!

But no time to worry about that. I had 20 miles to run and so run I must do. But sadly one bagel, 3 gels and a bottle of lucozade later and my knee was more than unhappy. It was shooting pain through my leg with every stride. I gallantly continued on, singing inspirational songs "Chattanooga Choo Choo", "We'll meet again" and "It's a long way to Tipperarey" but nothing stopped the pain. I dreamt of my pinup, tried visualising the Mall and the thousands of people cheering me on, I thought about the huge sums I was going to raise but yet the tears still fell and I accepted I was beaten. One phone call later and my own cavalary arrived, a little aghast at my mascara'd face and hysterical wails but full of hugs, sympathy and Sainsburys finest petit pois.

And so the movie closes leaving audiences across the globe on the edge of their seats. How can one knee possibly heal in 6 weeks? How can our heroine make up the 5 miles missed in training? How how how....? Who knows but I can assure you the sequel will most definitely feature best supporting actor "Alan".