The confessions of a novice runner

I knew today's run was going to be hard. 15 miles is a crazy amount of miles to run and I approached it with more caution than my previous runs and I am sure this mental doubt certainly hindered my efforts, along with the snow, sleet and rain that had me soaked to the bone by mile 4!

For the past 7 weeks, my weekly long run has increased week on week, never allowing me to simply plateau for a week and repeat the distance with confidence. Whilst I know this is an important part of the marathon mental preparation as I will never actually run the full 26.2 miles before the big day, it is really hard going. Thankfully, next week I get to repeat my 15 miles before increasing to 17... gulp!

However today's run did have a few highlights including a row with a dog walker (and I admit I might have been in the wrong for which I must pass blame to my obviously low Glycogen stores)! Now before you read the following please also consider that I had spent a good few miles being "shot" at by the Saturday shoot. Seriously they were out in force today and at points I was leaping around so my fluro jacket was seen (in my mind through a gun sight) and I wasn't mistake for a plump Partridge. Many times I nearly pooped my pants as the shots felt like they were whizzing straight past my ear and that I was an extra in Saving Private Ryan!

So with no further excuses as I can tell you are itching for the goss here goes my-row-with-an-oldie in glorious technicolor detail. Imagine it, mile 11, cold, tired, wet and 4 miles still to go. At this point I had been running for nearly 2 hours and hadn't seen any sign off life for 6 miles, apart from being shot at which does very little to warm the cockles for humanity. So when I finally did I was so overcome with being back in civilisation that I think I experienced extreme acclimatisation (surely it is not farfetched?). So there I was going stir crazy, thighs aching when I saw a man a few hundred yards in front of me with two dogs, one of which was squatting. To my utter horror, when the squatting dog returned to the more traditional standing pose his owner failed to remove the offending item with a poopa scooper (lesson number one: not all dogs are male). So (and here is my second lesson) without removing my headphones I pointed to the spot and said "pick up the poo". Now I appreciate that seeing a crazy runner lady wearing a (slightly too small) boys Florescent jacket, orange shorts over running leggings, ski head band and 80s legwarmers shouting might be a little starting. Add to the equation that I was probably suffering from headphone deafness which amplified my "pick up the poo" comment to screaming banshee levels. At this he gave me a quizzical look (which I took as defiance) so I repeated myself and this time he responded. Now because I still hadn't removed my headphones I couldn't make out the response but was now close enough to lip read the word "bitch". At this I yanked my headphones out of my ear and said "there is no need to be offensive, I was simply asking you to pick up your dog poo" to which I got the reply "I simply said my dog is a bitch and had just urinated"... OMG please ground swallow me.... nope that didn't work so instead I picked up my pace and ran on.

Cringy huh! But it got worse when I realised that the song playing (and which was still belting out in clear audible tones to the poor man) was, you guessed it, WHO LET THE DOGS OUT. Seriously you couldn't make this stuff up!

I will be buying next months Cotswold Style to see if  "angry resident of Faringdon" has complained about crazy runner lady listening to tunes supporting the irresponsible release of dogs!

So dear readers... am I forgiven?

More cheese!

Another day and another "short run" (6 miles). I am actually beginning to find these 6 milers relatively OK... I am not aching all day and am therefore able to continue with "business as usual" once showered and dressed which is great progression (in fact getting dressed rather than wearing a onesie is progress). A little daunted about the prospect of 10 miles tomorrow but I am sure the magic shoes will carry me around.

As I clock up more miles I am realising the importance of music on my pace. It is now that I wish more than ever that I had amazing taste in music and could therefore share a list of amazingly "fab" songs which would epitomise me as the queen of all things cool... however for those that know me I am more the queen of cheese! So, without further embarrassment, explanation or justification I am coming out. Here is my cool wall of running toooons (click the pink words to link to the You Tube video):

• My all time favourite it has to be S Club Party, seriously once your laughter dies down try listening to the track without doing the "S" move with your finger!
• My close second is Olly Murs’ Dance with Me Tonight. Fab beat and instantly reminds me of my son, all his friends and his teacher and their morning wake up shake up routine... and there goes another 3 minute and 22 seconds (just over 1/3 mile).

The next few are in no particular order but as with the two above I have added links for your own pleasure!

• I like to move it move it ...Madagascar version obviously; visualising dancing cartoon animals definitely gets your mood up and feet pounding. 
• Jai Ho” ...brilliant for the hills. Naturally it has to be the Peter Kay Children in Need version. If you haven’t watched this you MUST. Who can't resist Paddington Bear on the electric guitar, Wendy (together with her bit on the side Bob the Builder), Fifi Flowerpot, Fireman Sam, Thomas the Tank Engine, Postman Pat (Note: Emily Charlie will love it!), Iggle Piggle, Sooty and Sweep and many more kids favourites rocking out to a medley of tunes. 
• Biology ...You can’t mistake my biology!
• Big Girls...Big girls you ARE beautiful  
• Chasing Pavements...The lyrics mean a different thing when your feet are pounding the streets (Should I give up, Or should I just keep chasin' pavements? Even if it leads nowhere)
• Do you thing ... another corker in my opinion gotta love Basement Jaxx
• Alphabeat's Fascination... listen to it and you will certainly remember it. Cheese tastic!
• Psy Gangnam Style... I try not to Gangham Style dance whilst running cos I get odd looks when I do especially when I fall over (not that I admit to that of course)
• Girls, Sugababes... It reminds me of Boots and the fact I really ought go stock up on Vaseline, anti blister plasters and other such delightful products!
• Mr Brightside, The Killers... rather left field for me but love it!
• Praise you, Fatboy slim... the original flash mob 
• Rock your body, JustinTimberlake... my besties and I love this and it reminds us of some fab times in our twenties pre children
• Sexy and I know it ... I try not to sing out loud to this one especially past the pensioners (the video link listed even comes up with an "inappropriate content" warning!)
• Beyonce’s Single Ladies... check out her thighs in the video link. It's enough to get me training hard in the hope that maybe one day I might have similar limbs!
• Wham Rap... seriously am I the only one that doesn’t know all the lyrics?
• What makes you so beautiful, One Direction... see I am down with the kids! How scary is it that I am old enough to be their mother!

So there you have it, my cheese ball running chart. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I have.
One more cheese themed nugget...

Q: What cheese do you use to get a bear down a mountain?
A: Cam-on-bear (Camembert!... get it?)

NYE = Rest day!

Having run more in the past week than I have EVER run (including a short icy run on Scotland on Christmas Day) I have managed to notch up a considerable 20.1 miles across 3.30 hours and burnt off my Christmas dinner (1689 calories). Now those stats are something I would have previously considered beyond me but before I go slapping myself on the back too hard the realisation is:

"somehow I need to be able to add another 6.1 miles and run in all in one sitting ('scuse the pun) before 21st April"

Ugh!

But today (New Years Eve) is not a day for pondering the mountain ahead. Plus the upside of having run three days on the trot I am on a rest day today hurrah. Instead I will be enjoying more than my fair share of fizz and food at the perfect party this evening; A "slob party" where I will be showcasing my festive gingerbread onesie (thanks Mum) as will Mark (a wolf - psychiatrists would have a field day about what this says of mum's relationship with Mark). For the first time ever a onesie is going to be considered over dressed and I am positively excited about the prospect. Yes this does mean I am most definitely the wrong side of 35 but I don't care cos I ACHE all over. My feet are tired and heels are a definitely no no so thanks J&S for proposing the perfect NYE party theme.

One more piece of good news... having officially launched my 1,000,000 pence last night I now have my first donation from the lovely Mary Wiltshire. I am now on the road in more ways than one...

Happy New Year

The big realisation

So it is official. I have publically announced my quest to raise £10K in a year for cancer charities (read more about the back story to this challenge in the why 1,000,000 pence section). Shit. If you say it fast it almost sounds feasible but looking at the figures it equates to a stinkingly staggering £833.33 per month. With no fairy godmother / lottery win / sugar daddy in the wings I am going to have to think big. My friends pockets are certainly not that big (no comment men please!)

So my calculations mid run today were that the marathon and half marathon might net me £2K. But what about the other £8? Quiz nights (from PTA experience) can raise £1-2K, maybe I can get some corporate sponsporship for another £1-2K then what... ideas are running out. Maybe my adult ballet class can put on a performance... on second thoughts it would be more like a skit!

All I know is that if the half marathon wasn't challenge enough (3K has been the most I have ever run in my 37 years), then the marathon is pure idiocy. But to pledge to raise such a signifant amount whilst raising two children, running a home and holding down a full time career I must (and it has been said) be bonkers (a more polite term than was previously uttered by my better half.)

And it is at this point I think I need to mention that whilst I am gaily announcing such huge commitments there is someone without whom this would be impossible to achieve. Someone who will deserve my marathon medal more than me. Someone who will make me cry when I see his face in the crowds in London. So thank you. You know who you are and without you this is all impossible so it is our challenge and our pledge.

Now where can I find a sugar daddy... does anyone have Lord Sugars number?